I often take my family for granted.
I admit- when I am chatting with an acquaintance, or out with a friend, it is a delight to be with them. They have my undivided attention and I am interested in what they are saying…I genuinely care about them, their needs, and what is going on in their lives.
And then when I am home, I’m in my “safe zone”. I’m not quite as intentional at putting others before myself.
One morning I woke up and was exceptionally tired. I know, I’m always tired. True. But this particular morning, I began the process of getting the girls out of the bed, I made a cup of love (coffee), and all I wanted to do was sit down for 5 minutes. 5 minutes of peace- to drink my coffee and breathe. In complete silence.
And don’t you know- this was the one morning that the girls got right up, and even the dog came pitter pattering into the living room. Grumpy ole me was not a happy camper. The girls began to bicker back and forth, and didn’t like what I had made them to eat. Then my husband asked me for something. I felt a bubbling cauldron brewing inside. Why can’t I just sit for 5 MINUTES?!
I said a few things I shouldn’t have said. Because I was tired and grumpy. I was focused on “me”. And the truth is, with everyone going in different directions- we are all thinking about ourselves in the mornings… But as “momma”- my primary roll is to help everyone else get their day started right. Then I can focus on me.
After my husband went off to work, and my girls had gotten on the bus, I began to think about the things I said. Sometimes I feel like I share the not-so good parts of myself with my family, and I save the best for everyone else. Would I ever snap at a friend? No. Or say something unkind to a stranger because they were in my way? Nope. Or chew out a cashier because my groceries were not bagged just right? No- these would be prime examples of times I would tend to be very gracious. But at home- it is often a different scenario.
God was really working on me that morning- telling me to put Him first…to be Christ-like in my own home to my own family…to give my husband and my girls my undivided attention in the wee hours of the morning. And so I prayed that He would help me focus on my family in the morning- and that He would help me show grace to the ones I love the most.
That morning I wrote this song. It’s called “I Give It All To You”. We can’t take back the things we say in the heat of the moment.
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
I Give It All To You
Time to get up and begin a new day
we’re all getting ready to go separate ways
it’s never as easy as we think it will be
fixing eyes on ourselves, we focus on “me”
and we go through the motions
we don’t mean what we say
and we let our emotions get in the way
and I give it all to You
I give it all to You
everything I feel
everything that I say
help me to live for You today
I give it all to You
Lord, help me shine
like a star in the night
help me release what I’m feeling inside
help me to keep my emotions in check
and to not say a word that I will regret
When I’m losing control
when I feel justified
help me turn to You
and swallow my pride
Help me have self-control
when I want to scream and shout
because getting my way
is not what life’s all about