It was a gorgeous, warm day and I was dealing with an internal battle of epic proportions.
I have been busy lately- and when this happens, something’s gotta give. Well, one of those “somethings” is housework. Housework is a bad word in my vocabulary. I enjoy the finished product, but I have a hard time prioritizing the many things that need to happen in the correct order. Because if you vacuum and then you dust- well, then you just have to vacuum all over again because now the floor has dust all over it. See, it’s just a vicious cycle. That is how my brain works- and that is why I do not devote a lot of time to cleaning.
So on this particular gorgeous day, as I sat in my recliner, I looked over at the dishes in the sink, and then looked over at the pile of clothes in the other recliner, and for a split second, I longed to be a more efficient housewife…
“I so wish that I were a better homemaker.” I said, woefully.
My husband slowly turned to look at me, and sheepishly said, “Yeah, I’m not going to comment on that one!” He was politely holding back his snickers.
Years ago, my feelings would have been hurt. I really do try my best! And for many years, I obsessed about cleaning. But in reality, I am terrible at planning meals, food-shopping, doing dishes, laundry, cleaning… I freely admit this. And you know what? It’s ok. I’m ok with it. There are times I wish I was more efficient at these things, but I have let it go. (and yes, I’m singing that stupid song in my head right now… “let it go…. let it gooooo….)
So instead of defending myself, instead of rattling off excuses or telling him how wrong he was, I gave him a sly smile. He loves me anyway. In spite of my messiness.
After I freely acknowledged my shortcomings as a homemaker, he says “well, what do you really want to do today?” And do you know what happened next? The very awesomest thing. I didn’t answer him, and instead he answered for me.
“Why don’t you just go for a walk?”
No, he didn’t list all of the house things that weren’t done. He didn’t complain that we have no clean dishes or clothes. He told me to do something for me.
Lord knows that I am far from perfect. And a perfect homemaker- I’ll never be. But in that moment, I was perfectly ok with that fact, and perfectly in love with my husband… and thankful for a God who’s grace is sufficient for me to complete any task I am not qualified to accomplish.
And those 3 miles I walked were heaven-sent! It truly was just the thing I needed to jump start my chores. As I walked in the warm sun, I prayed, I sang along to my worship tunes, and I might have even danced a little…
Let everything that breathes sing praises to the LORD! Praise the LORD! Psalm 150:6
He is slowly teaching me that it is ok to not be so great at some things… and that I don’t have to beat myself up about it, either. I shouldn’t use it as an excuse to feel bad about myself, or to not try to be better- but to draw closer to my Father for strength and guidance in all things. My Heavenly Father loves me in spite of all my flaws and imperfections.
God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus. – Max Lucado
Lord, help me to be more like You! Help me to have balance in my life and to to know when to let go. Help me to see my short-comings as opportunities for You to mold and shape me into who You created me to be.