I love being a mom, but some days it breaks my heart.
One of the most difficult aspects of motherhood is re-living my own childhood through my daughters. The older they get, the more I see myself in them. One of them in particular is very sensitive- like me. She wears her heart on her sleeve and always wants everything to be harmonious. When anything is not as it should be- she is in turmoil.
Some mornings I will wake up with a pit in my stomach- an uneasy feeling that I just can’t shake. It doesn’t take long to remember whatever the situation is that is making me feel uneasy. Occasionally when this happens, I will go into “hiding”…take shelter in my home and spend time with my best friend- Jesus.
When my girls got home from school the other day, it was clear that one of them wanted to go into “hiding”. The day did not go as she had hoped. We sat outside and chatted while I did yard work. As I trimmed the the shrubs, my daughter grabbed a giant umbrella off our porch and proceeded to sit down in the grass and open it. The umbrella was so big, it nearly hid her whole body from me. It could not have been a more beautiful day to be outside.
“Mom, this is how I feel today,” my daughter said as she hung her head low.
“Oh, Baby… I know just what you mean… Even Momma has days like that. I have many days when I feel like hiding under an umbrella, too.”
And as I talked to her, I realized that as she held that giant, black umbrella, the beauty of the sunshine was being blocked from her.
“But you know what? You can’t hide under that giant umbrella forever. You gotta get out from under it so His Son can shine on you!”
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5
And as I spoke these words to her, I realized that I, too, must get out from under my umbrella on those days I want to hide away. It’s ok to take time away to re-charge…but too much time can lead to self-pity. We’ve gotta pack our pity party bags and leave them at the feet of Jesus…and trust the situation to Him.
Often when I choose to hide, I miss out on His blessings. Just maybe He wants to use you to be an umbrella for someone else today… but we have to put down our own, first…
And after our heart-to-heart, that’s just what my girl did!
But you are a tower of refuge to the poor, O LORD, a tower of refuge to the needy in distress. You are a refuge from the storm and a shelter from the heat. Isaiah 25:4