My husband called me the other day to say hi while he was at work.
“Are you enjoying your day at home?” he asked me.
Well, to be honest, I wasn’t at home at all. “Umm.. yes…” He must have heard the hesitation in my voice, because he laughed and asked me where I was.
“I’m just leaving church, and then I’m going here and there…” I continued to rattle off the things I wanted to get done before the girls got home that day. I had intended on staying home all day, but as I often do- I began to feel guilty about taking a day off and decided to take care of a few things.
I continued giving him the checklist of all the things I had done so far…”and before I left the house, I ran the dishwasher and got a load of clothes going. Oh-and I gave the dog a bath.” I admit, I was pretty proud of all the stuff I had crammed into that short time span.
I waited on the other end of the phone for his verbal “pat on the back”, but it didn’t come.
“You know, it really is ok for you to not be doing something.”
I was speechless.
Because deep down, I am really not ok with doing nothing.
I feel guilty.
For many years my self worth was found in the things I did. The more I did, the more I felt worthy as a person… and worthy of being loved. I honestly still struggle with this.
But my self-worth is not found in what I do
or in the number on the scale
or in the amount of my paycheck
or in the approval of others
Saving is all His idea, and all His work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish!
We are worthy simply because we are His.
There’s nothing we can do to earn His grace or His love.
And after all these years of life, I still ponder this great mystery of His- that I am loved unconditionally–
and that I have a husband who loves me unconditionally, too 🙂
Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.